"I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone"

So for whatever reason, I think I found happiness in me. Weird, I know, right?

I have been watching these "It gets better" thoughts, and I cannot help but think that I am proof that it does get better. Be warned however that for me better does not mean easier. Life can still be challenging, but right now I am filled with hope and life. Things are better and I see them getting even more so.

What is the secret? Well let me get all missionary like and biblical.

James 1:5 (King James Version)

 ⁵If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

So just like Joseph Smith and so many others did we need to ask God when we lack wisdom.

I did this when I was trying to find God and he gave me the church. When church teachings and my happiness were not aligning, I lacked wisdom and pleaded with my Father in Heaven for guidance, love, and help.

Well, how do I know if I am following my desires or God's. Turning back to the bible we read this:

Galatians 5:22-23 (King James Version)

 ²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
 ²³Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

So, breaking it down, the fruit is the best part of the tree, right? Maybe even the reason to grow a fruit tree? So when we are asking for the spirit to testify truth, does it not make sense to seek out the fruits when identifying where the answer is coming from. Of course.

So looking at my life trying to deny being gay, thinking I could change, pretending God did not have his hand in creating me and my feelings, it lead to self hatred, doubt, sadness, dispair, and a great desire to give up. I wanted for so long to end my life. Are these the fruits of the spirit?

So, in pleading for God to give me answers, the peace came with the quiet whisperings that God loved and accepted me for who I am, His Gay Son, whom he loves for who he is. With those words almost etched into my soul came the joy, the peace, the faith, the goodness, the meekness, the love, and so much more. It allowed me to stand as the son of God I was made to be.

But what about the church now?

The story that keeps coming to mind is a group of people in Africa. They found some church materials and read the Book of Mormon, gained a testimony, then asked the church to send missionaries to help them to organize the church there and help them enter into church membership. Black members of the church were still not permitted to hold the priesthood at his time, so their many requests were denied. God did not love these African Children any less, but they were blessed for their faithfulness and love for God. We do not know how or why God works, but we do know to follow his revelation for us.

My secret for my friends is simple. When you find yourself in doubt, turn to your God who made you, ask for his guidance, and follow the path you can find peace with.

It does get better.