"I Woke Up in a Car"

How did I get here? Where is here?

Here is a fun filled place that feels like an ending to a long tiring journey forming a circle that takes me back to the same place I was at 10 years ago. The difference now is that I am choosing to be here rather than falling into this place. I have seen many things along the way. I found God and trust in him to help me  on my way. I have seen for myself the pros and cons of religion. I have lived from Coast to Coast of our country. I have worked in many industries. I have had friends from the Mother Teresa type to raging drug addicts. I have been on incredible highs to devastating lows. I grew to love my dad in time to watch him die. I went from being a leader of many to a follower of truth and right. 

In this moment, I realize that it is possible that my life could be as good as it will ever be right now so I am choosing to embrace every joy around me. I am preparing for the fact the I may never find Mr Right or maybe a Mister to call mine to love at all and that's okay. While I prepare for the worst, I will hope for the best with all of my heart. This week I decided I will try to find someone to date which I have taken a little break from.  I may not win the super model of the year award, but one thing I do know is that I care so much about people, I make those around me laugh and smile whenever I can, and I know that I can bring happiness into the life of someone else. So why not try? 

I think about where I am with friends right now. I really do have great friends that offer me a lot. They are the closest thing I have to family. The thing is, they are not family. I don't have a relationship with any member of my family and thus the reason I want to create my own. I won't ever have siblings, or nieces or nephews to hold and love while they comfort me at the same time. All my grandparents died before I could really know them. My mom loves me, but sadly we can not talk about much more than the weather often times. I do love her, but I want more, and no matter how great and wonderful my friends are, they are still friends. So when I talk about my time in exile, I hope this time ends in the arms of someone I can love fully and melt together with. Someone I can have kids with and create a family together with. Like I said, I may not get it, but understand my life will still be missing something big while I wait for that to happen.

"I've never been so lost, I've never felt so much at home"