PERFECTION

I had an amazing weekend with lots and lots of self discoveries. In this moment I am possibly happier than I have ever been before. I hope for the future and am confident in myself. I keep reflecting on my new friends and my time in California. What made it so great? What made me long to move there? What do I need in my life to continue the joy I am experiencing right now? What it is it around me that makes things a little more challenging?

This allowed to me start thinking on "Perfection"

In the Mormon church we are commanded to be perfect. If we are not perfect we face not only the wrath of God but in many instances we face the wrath of those who stand ready to cast stones in our communities in our congregations. I am not suggesting that this is every member of the church or even the majority, but I do know these ready to judge are plentiful around us. So I can acknowledge the fact that these people are out there. I can even love them for exactly who they are. But what does this mean to me, to us, and the world?

Some questions I had to face this weekend.

What if I have carried over some of these judgments and also the expectation of perfection being and acting as nearly the same person in following a specific religious culture and rules to the exact. Then maybe no matter how much I think I am okay with being gay, what if part of me still thinks there is something wrong with being gay.

I don't blame this on the church, but I do give credit to the world in which I was raised. If I did anything that was slightly out of the "BE A MAN" box, I was called a faggot or homo. This was by friends and family, the people I trusted to teach me the way.

So now what. I think the biggest realization I had with all of this perfection stuff is the idea that when we are commanded to be perfect, we also have to know we were created in the image of God. So it hit me. We are perfect in who we are and for who we are. We can make choices which effect us, but when we look at each other, we are literally full of perfection.

I am a gay man. There is no changing that. The great thing about me being gay is that is one of the things that makes me perfect just like the youth with Autism I work with; their Autism makes them perfect.

What a great gift it is to know that I am perfect, in God's image, in my own amazing way. The even greater gift is to open my eyes to all the glorious perfect people around me, who in God's image, were created perfect in their own way.

Life is freaking amazing!

Another Challenge Day Post

Well I get to go to a 3 day Challenge Day workshop and I am so happy! It is a dream come true in many ways. I also get to see Wicked while I am there. Things are so wonderful!

Here is some info on a show that will be on MTV with Challenge Day if you are interested.

Dear Challenge Day Friends and Supporters,

For the past year, Challenge Day has been working in team with Arnold Shapiro Productions, MTV, and twelve schools across the United States to bring a transformative new series to television called “If You Really Knew Me.” The show premieres on MTV on Tuesday July 20th at 11:00 p.m.

“If You Really Knew Me” is a 12 episode series that allows viewers to follow students and their experiences before, during and after Challenge Day. Each episode takes place at a different high school, and follows five students from different cliques as they go through the life-changing experience of Challenge Day. Watch the amazing transformation each week as the students courageously open up for the first time. By dropping their waterlines and revealing who they really are, the students break down the walls between cliques, and work to change their view of school and each other.

Our Challenge to you: We invite you to gather your Be the Change Team, your Circle of Change, your family, and/or your friends and watch MTV’s “If You Really Knew Me,” on Tuesday, July 20th at 11:00 p.m. (Check your local listings). After the show, practice the tool of “If you really knew me” by having people share their experience of the show and how it applies to their lives (learn how to do this activity at http://www.challengeday.org/downloads/If_You_Really_Knew_Me.pdf). There will also be a discussion guide posted at http://www.challengeday.org/mtv after each episode of “If You Really Knew Me.” For these activities and more information about the show, please visit our website and MTV’s website at http://www.mtv.com/shows/if_you_really_knew_me/series.jhtml.

We hold the vision that the show will catalyze all of us to Be The Change we wish to see in the world. We believe the series will demonstrate that the miracles of connection and compassion are available to everyone.

We celebrate and thank you for your continued loved and support!

Please forward this email to any one you believe might be interested or could benefit from this series.

In Gratitude,

Jaime

Jaime R. Polson

Office - Main Number (925) 957-0234

Take a minute or 15.

So one of my passions is Challenge Day. It is a program that takes 100 high school kids from all different backgrounds and puts them into the gym for a day together. They play games and then do activities that get them talking.  I have attended many of these events and at the end of everyone, people literally reach their arms around each other in full love and support. Not ever a dry eye in the room. Check out this video.

http://vimeo.com/2109730

ChallengeDay.org

I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

Sometimes I feel as though I am so different from those around me, almost as if I am from another planet. In someways I feel so alive and others I feel so cold and detached. I guess this is part of my feeling of being in exile.

I just recently started watching Dexter, a fictional show about a serial killer who just kills bad guys. So, strange as this sounds, I feel oddly connected to this character. He just tries to live his life, being the guy who he is, while making sure he doesn't do any major damage.

Sometimes I feel as though I can only be fully me, if I am alone in my world. My world is full of trying to make things work around me and fixing things. I realized today that sometimes I almost pretend to dislike helping people so I can stop hearing the lectures of taking care of myself and you cannot save the world. Is it wrong of me, a 26 year old, to still believe I can make a difference. When I say this and act upon it, people look at me like I just told them I visited Santa at the North Pole.

Another thing people seem to look at me crazy for is my reluctance to trust and attach to people. The sad but true part of my life is that there is not a single person I know that I can't live without.  Before you all burn me at the stake for this, know that I was raised by people who loved me, but that never wanted me. In most ways I was self raised and from my earliest memory felt more of a parent than I ever did a child. Every family that I have ever let get close to me and that I have trusted eventually lost touch with me, and growing up, my friends were few and much more interested in my video games than me any day. This is not to complain. I was always happy growing up and love the life I have, it is just to demonstrate my foundation of what relationships looked like for me as I was a developing young lad.

So here I am. I really like where I am with my life. How do I function among this population of ordinary humans who want me to fit in where I struggle to belong? I think that I choose not to fit in. I don't help people so others can tell me how great I am, that part actually makes me ill to get attention. I reach out and try to fix things because that to me is the right thing to do. In regards to relationships, I refuse to spout off a monologue of how we will be friends forever or how my life would not be the same with out someone. I hope to find my Prince Charming someday, but am not holding my breath for someone else to come and be my happiness. I will choose to fight for happiness to fill my life everyday and as I do it, share it with all the wonderful people in my life. As I do this, I believe my friendships and interactions with those around me will be more full and lasting that relying on some false promise of future that may never come.

Fighting for happiness. Hoping for love. Enjoying today.

Introvert or Extravert?

I have battled with this idea for a long time. Whenever I have taken personality tests I lean towards extravert. When thinking about the simple definition for gaining energy from being around others (extravert) or from being alone (introvert) I think I can officially decide which I am.

INTROVERT

Whenever I get down and drained it seems I have been missing my alone time. I love being around people which is most likely why I always thought I was an extravert, but no matter how much I enjoy it, it sucks the life out of me if I do not have balance. Right now I am thinking about my plans for the night and I think  what I need is a night alone. Then recharged I can go back to being with the people I love.

When, in the course of human events...

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Today, I stand in gratitude to live in the country and in the time that I do. Really, I could not be more lucky to live a more free life. The amount of independence that an individual receives in this country is directly correlated to the tolerance and understanding that people have for one and other. African Americans were allowed to be slaves in this "Free" Country until the views and beliefs of the majority changed.

Many gay sons and daughters of God have been tortured, denied rights, even been killed because of the joint feelings of a majority. So I guess what I am most grateful for is that the majority is changing quickly. Being gay doesn't have the same negative connotation it did when I was a kid 20 years ago. Rights that are being disputed now would never have been put on the table then. Things have changed so much that Google, a company that effects almost everyone, is now giving all their gay and lesbian employees a raise to compensate for the lack of tax breaks they are entitled to.

I wish everyone a happy Independence Day and hope you continue a great pursuit of happiness.

You've Got a Friend in Me

Sometimes I doubt my friends. I search for weakness and then use it as proof not to trust them. Sometimes it is nice to be wrong.

Almost a year ago I came out to a lot of friends. One of them, who I have been friends for almost 12 years with, was not okay with me being gay. We had a words and never talked about it again.

Today the topic came up and it felt like I was talking again to my old best friend. It was enjoyable to have that comfort that she wanted to know more about me, find out who I am, and what was going on with me, even if I am gay.

I guess honesty is the best policy. If people are your friends, they will see you through, even in the tough times.