So I called my mom today to prep her for the pending news. I asked for some Mom/Son time so that I could be more real with her and more open, hoping for a closer relationship.
I had an experience on Thursday that made me realize that I started feeling like I had to start lying to my mom at about 13 (middle school). I lied about my grades and report cards, who my friends were, then about the church when I started taking discussions. Pretty much everything about me I kept hidden. It hit me Thursday this correlated almost exactly with the time I started figuring out that I am gay. If she saw who I really was, then she would know I'm gay.
I didn't tell her this part of course, but I am hoping that telling her will bring us closer together.
The struggle talking to her today on the phone was her all to familiar distance. She said we could talk, but the whole concept seemed awkward. I really think part of this may be my fault in being so distant, but what if after I open up and pour my gay soul out to her and then she still seems to not want me in her life...Then what?
Well for now, I will keep trying to be prepared. My goal is to tell her the Thursday I get home, then have 4 full days to work it out.
Love and thanks to everyone who reads my blog and supports me. It makes all of this possible, to be the true me <3
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